There is no feeling more written, said, sung, and yet it is the greatest secret, elusive and always different. Love drives the world and sometimes it seems as if everything that is happening has something to do with it. Is it more important to us to be loved or to love and is love always among our life priorities? Experts say that the relationship we have towards love is built mainly on the basis of the unrepeatable experience of first love and that its outcome is quite determining. It can never be repeated again because biochemical processes occur in the brain that, regardless of the intensity of later feelings and the power of love that we feel in adulthood, cannot happen again. This unique experience, combined with our character, upbringing, relationships that we have with our loved ones as children, concludes an 'image' that will remain in our psyche as a model of 'true' love.
First love usually occurs during adolescence and occurs in parallel with identity formation. Development is, of course, not yet complete, and emotion control is still being established neurophysiologically. Psychologically, as a teenager, a young person is in search of themselves and their place in the complex world of adults. When that special and significant one comes along, when we love for the first time, reality takes on a completely different dimension. Adolescent self-absorption gives way to the first love affair ... In fact, the path to a mature and formed identity would be unthinkable without falling in love. It is a state in which we are preoccupied with our own psychological projections and idealizations. Gradually, we emerge from such a state, becoming ready to establish a mature relationship with another person who is special to us. And without the complex biochemical changes in the brain that accompany first love, it is special precisely because it is the first. In many cultures, even in those in which there is an institution of arranged marriages, first love is extremely psychologically significant and remains permanently recorded in memory. The first love experiences are different and varied. Sometimes there is a connection, sometimes everything remains on the platonic level. Someone experiences the end of their first love by a painful parting, someone simply grows up, and sometimes it becomes a lasting bond between two people. Depending on how that first love story unfolded and ended, it also depends on its impact on all later love, first of all, through the beliefs and experiences we brought from it.
Does this mean that first love can also be real? - In love, and especially the first one, is accompanied by a multitude of emotions, which are not always just pleasant euphoria, elation and passion. We also experience intense fear, anxiety, anxiety, insecurity, obsessive thoughts, so first love can sometimes be a pretty traumatic experience. Because of the mixed emotions and conditions we are experiencing, there is the phrase 'crazy from love' '. Although this condition is short-lived, it is remembered as a very significant life experience. However, most often, the first love and disappears when the infatuation passes. In cases where the feelings become more serious and the first one turns into true love, it is, in fact, a process of maturation for the two and a joint adaptation to reality. We accept the person we love with all its virtues, flaws, ready to commit to a loving relationship with the intention of lasting it. Although this does not happen often, first love can become real, which depends on many factors and circumstances. What would be the closest definition of "true love"? Throughout human history, as well as its unique existence, humans have been trying to answer the question of what is love? And after all possible attempts to put it into words, we can say no more than that love is a complex phenomenon that eludes all attempts to define it clearly. The nature of love is elusive, above all due to the fact that it is impossible to recount it, sing it in poetry, define it in science, without conveying its essence to someone who has not experienced it. The situation is compounded by the fact that there are multiple types of love and that love is quite different in different types of relationships. Yet people will never stop searching for the answer to that eternal question. Common to many definitions of love is a feeling of strong affection and attraction, where there is interest, support and control in the relationship with another person.
Psychologist Robert Sternbeg, a researcher of intelligence and love, defines 'true' or 'perfect' love in partnerships as a combination of three components: closeness, passion and loyalty. Proximity or intimacy includes respect, open communication, sharing and support in difficult situations. Passion implies instincts that lead to emotional arousal and sexual attraction, while loyalty is a commitment to a loving relationship, that is, a decision to love someone and a desire to maintain love. Without these three aspects, true partner love is not possible, and the presence of only one or two components describes other types of love (liking, 'blind' love, romantic love, friendly love and 'apparent' love).
Does the ability to experience true love affect what kind of value system we nurture, or how important it is to us in life, is it a priority? - Love is a sublime feeling that makes us better people. Although it rests on the basic need of human beings, the need to belong, love cannot exist without the autonomy of personality. Only a psychologically independent, mature person is able to truly love, build relationships with others. The one who is able to give love, but also to recognize that someone else who is willing to build a reciprocal relationship with her. The experiences we carry from our primary family, past love experiences, but also the culture we live in, can impose different expectations and often suggest unrealistic, idealized representations of love. These models greatly influence the shaping of our true love and emotional relationships. As far as our expectations are concerned, psychological studies show that we are generally inclined to pay more attention to disappointments. We take love for granted, so when what we expect doesn't happen, we feel really bad, we are disappointed and desperate. If you are not as happy in love as you expected you to be, it is very likely that you just expected too much.
One study found that people suffer the most from unrealized love, long imagining what life would look like to realize that love ... - The lost life and love alternatives are given psychological significance by being unfulfilled. We wonder what it would be like if we had chosen differently. When it comes to the irrational idea that life could have been different than it was, psychic suffering and pain are inevitable. We tend to beautify and idealize a past love story, long ago, when we were younger and more emotionally enduring. We like to fantasize about how 'this was it' and how wrong we were that we didn't go that route. When we compare such memories with the often frustrating everyday life, the present is inevitably at a loss. Misconceptions about love can also play a key role, that is, our notion that 'true' love excludes occasional unpleasant feelings or indifference.
Do we have to be open to love for it to happen to us, and what depends on whether we can recognize and accept it? - Openness to love primarily involves an open and honest attitude towards ourselves and our needs. In order to achieve this, it is necessary for us to know ourselves, understand what we want and what we need. What does that really mean? If we are able to recognize our own feelings, control them and use them to move us in the right direction, we become able to empathize, realistically view ourselves and others. Love works so well, it is in many ways the meaning of our lives. Problems start when we are convinced that this is the only meaning. The desperate need for love is often a great brake because it is based on the fear of loneliness. Such emotions can sometimes completely block our ability to experience 'true' love and truly let go of it. Scientists claim that there is no soul mate, that is, with many people we can build a bond. Does it follow that love is a skill that, like any other, can be learned? - Ask yourself, is it more important for you to love or be loved? We are often convinced that it is easy to love, that it is easy to love, but that the main problem is to find the right person to reciprocate our feelings. That's why we try to become 'worthy of love' in different ways. Some achieve it through popularity, some through expressive sex appeal, social power, status… Sometimes these are just attempts to increase the chances of love happening to us. However, From argued that love is a skill, a skill linked by our ability to love. Unconditionally accepting ourselves, with all our faults and virtues, meeting our own expectations, goals and needs, means that we are ready to make love happen. In fact, love for the other person means that we put effort and care into one another, get to know a partner, and meet his or her needs. What are our 'capacities for love', or how many times can we love 'true' love. Is there any truth in romantic ideas that one loves only once?
- Freud believed that a mentally healthy person was characterized by two key characteristics, the ability to work and the ability to love. 'Capacity for love' is acquired as we grow up and mature in relationships with close, significant people. But this is not the end. We have been changing for years, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As a person changes throughout his life, so does the capacity for love to continue to develop during new life stages. Love is a unique experience, but as with life, we cannot get any guarantees from love. A mature, autonomous personality is one who has developed her 'capacities for love'. This means that love is her desire, but not a condition of life and survival. Staying in the belief that there is only one true love for us and that we have essentially no choice, it is only about our unwillingness to accept the changes that are inevitable in life. Can true love find us at any age, or do we become less and less ready to adapt to someone over the years? - Love is not reserved only for youth and can always happen. In human nature, there is a need for emotional attachment that does not lose significance as the years go by. Allegedly choosing a life without love and believing that love involves the sacrifice of freedom and our own needs is just one of the rationalizations that some of us tend to construct. It is more likely that different aspects of love are relatively more significant at different stages of life. This means that in certain years, more passion, sometimes intimacy, sometimes commitment is more significant to us. It depends on the context of other significant life tasks and roles in our lives. And we choose and look at love depending on what is important to us and what we want.
Author: Mia Valas, psychologist and psychotherapist
love # trinity # closeness # loyalty # passion # capacity for love # true love