A fatal affair involves a fateful affair between two people in which they have no control over their feelings and reactions, as if they were not able to decide freely whether to stay together. Fateful love is not infatuation, it goes beyond the sweet suspense and attraction felt at the beginning of a relationship. In fatal love, uncertainty, magnetic attraction and passion that endure are the main characteristics of relationships. At the same time, it is much different from mature love because in addition to euphoria, it involves psychological suffering and much pain, which makes it tragic. Also, it does not leave the possibility for the feeling of love to develop because it does not create the basis for the development of the partner's personality and the relationship itself. The couple seem to be spinning in a vicious circle, in which hurt and pain offset the fleeting moments of ecstasy.
Fatal love is an essentially dependent relationship that has the characteristics of obsession. Such relationships are dominated by anxiety, tension, fear of abandonment and rejection. Initial insecurity soon gives way to jealousy, addiction, despair and an obsessive desire for control. Partners believe that their relationship would be ideal only if the other changed. The destruction that characterizes such a relationship can be an expression of mistaken beliefs about what love is, but also of complex patterns, the essence of which is some of the psychopathological phenomena, often a personality disorder.
THE HARD END
Emotional problems, lack of empathy, inability to experience feelings, or psychopathology can often lead to dramatic functioning in a relationship. The person who is obsessed with his partner most often identifies the intensity of love with the intensity of obsession, and the feeling of love with excitement and euphoria, which can hardly be maintained without drama. A person who is desperate for love, on the other hand, is misunderstood by possessiveness, jealousy, and control as an expression of the power of love. With such a relationship it goes without saying that I cannot live without you. Crucially for a dependent and obsessed partner is the irrational belief that without a person with whom life is impossible and meaningless. To be left is the end of the world. Thus, in spite of suffering, pain and suffering, the fatal relationship is maintained and partners often return to each other with numerous attempts to break up. In extreme cases, the outcome may be tragic, psychological and physical violence possible. It is not uncommon for a person left injured to persevere in the idealization of an inaccessible partner. He attributes to him traits that he does not possess, an imagination about how the relationship would develop to survive, and thus impede the experience of love in real life. If the relationship did not last, chances are that the person was not appropriate, could not return love, just was not right.
Although it is not easy to determine the typical personality profile prone to fatal love relationships, it is clear that the immaturity of both partners is the basis for this. Non-integrated, dependent persons are more likely to enter into bad relationships. The insecure and people of low self-esteem are magnetically attracted to manipulative, emotionally unavailable or problematic personalities (gamblers, cheats, alcoholics, abusers). When looking at the past of such persons, they often experienced some kind of emotional deprivation and neglect, separated or abandoned by significant figures. Therefore, a fatal love affair is at the same time an expression and companion of emotional problems, but seemingly also a chance to overcome them. Overcoming an obsessive attachment, addiction, and fascination with another person is a difficult path, but change is possible. True love does not restrain or stifle, and pleasurable feelings are predominantly experienced: happiness, pleasure, fulfillment. A mature person accepts, or loves himself, integrity and emotional intelligence. This self-love enables us to be someone else, or rather a loving partner, not a person who compensates for our lack, but one who builds a new integrity with us. However, the sense of self-worth and meaning that motivates us to live the best life possible can sometimes be the result of the difficult and thorny path we have gone through overcoming fatal love.
Author: Mark Newman, Psychologist & Psychotherapist
love that hurts # magnetic attraction # passion # fatal love # love connection # immaturity