You must have a friend, an acquaintance, a colleague who is in a long relationship or a marriage in which he / she is not satisfied / satisfied, and who is constantly talked about in a negative context. Research shows that many people, for many reasons, tend to stay in relationships that are not custom-made. Some are afraid of new beginnings, so it is easier to be in a bad relationship than to strive for a new one, someone is afraid of loneliness and is guided by the logic of "give what you give", others love their partner and are ready for incredible compromises, someone. he simply does not believe that marriage can be good, while there are those who enjoy needing someone, saving someone, changing him and turning him into a better person. Whatever the reason, world-class research shows that one in three couples is in this kind of relationship, that is, in an emotional relationship that is not what they wanted, that is suffocating and not satisfying. Why do we do it to ourselves and how do we even know if it is 'right'? What influences what kind of emotional connection we want, or what model of marriage or relationship we would consider 'normal'? Is the upbringing, experiences of the primary family a general attitude about love? Is it true that we are always looking for a father or a mother in a partner?
Despite numerous theories about the impact of cultural and social values and patterns that shape our romantic notions of what true love should look like, the family we grew up in and formed a personality plays a crucial role, whether it is their relationship to children, through educational procedures and styles. The undeniable and fundamental need for people to bond emotionally and thus build a meaningful existence that takes shape as we grow up sometimes causes us to remain in inappropriate and troubled relationships. People in these types of love relationships often see their position as hopeless, do not see a solution to their situation and suffer emotional pain and suffering because it is better to 'have nothing than nothing'. It can happen that such essentially negative experiences have positive effects, that is, in the end the person realizes that this is not what they wanted, to know themselves and their needs. In order to love someone and be happy in this relationship, we must first of all be satisfied with ourselves and our lives, because others cannot bring us happiness. A partnership is a complex relationship between two people, and waiting for the other to change or become different is usually in vain. It is not a solution to endure and persist in such a relationship. Taking responsibility for the quality of the relationship we are in by understanding our own and our partner's ideas and beliefs, as well as correcting them through conversation, is the best way to move the relationship in a positive direction, to change and become what we want. If the partners do not have the capacity to change, and adaptation is practically impossible, it is natural for the relationship to end and the partners move on without each other.
How much does your parents' marriage affect how we experience emotional bonds and love? - The statement that you are out of luck in love is a misconception that can have serious consequences on a love life. For a person to have a successful love affair, it is not crucial happiness or a favorable set of fateful circumstances, but the skill of healthy behavior in emotional relationships. Like any skill, this one is taught. The presence of positive role models during adulthood helps us greatly. Model-based learning, ie. Adopting behaviors while growing up with emotionally close and significant persons is the basis of "emotional literacy" and even a willingness to establish a mature love relationship. Therefore, what kind of person we will become and what kind of emotional relationships we will strive for, despite being dependent on many other factors, also depends heavily on relationships in the primary family. The family we grow up in forms models of emotional relationships that we consider 'normal', desirable and that we consciously or unconsciously aspire to. Also, the way parents interacted with us in childhood, as well as the way they interacted with each other, affects the type of relationships we tend to as mature people. Messages received from developmentally significant parental (guardian) figures are embedded in the way we experience our own personality, and this is the basis for building relationships with others, including love. If we are repeating the model we have taken from our primary family, even if it does not suit us, why do we remain in a relationship that we are not happy with and when we are aware that we are not nice? - There are numerous ways and ways in which the influence of the primary family is realized. For example, the idealization of parental marriage can form an image of an elusive role model that conflicts with the real traits of potential partners and as such constitutes an obstacle for a person to establish successful relationships. The opposite process happens, that is, sometimes we create relationships that will be completely different from those of our parents. Such attitudes are most often the result of dysfunctional family relationships in which the person grew up. If a person recognizes this model and its bad influence, then it means that he or she is mature to establish a quality love relationship.
Also, through family stories and significant family events, one can notice the similarities between present situations or problems and some that the family has encountered in the past. We need to be aware of the negative family patterns that have been repeated for generations, so that we can avoid or correct them in our loving relationships. Also, we accept some things, we reconcile with them, not thinking how bad they are. For example, it is a fact that for a large number of women who have grown up exposed to parental violence, physical abuse in the relationship seems perfectly normal. The power of influence in the family we grow up in is very obvious. Difficult experiences stemming from growing up where parental marriage was fraught with problems can be a powerful barrier to a mature and fulfilling love relationship and marriage. Fear, distrust and suffering of a child traumatized in childhood by parental strife and / or violence, which did not have a natural relationship with their parents, in addition to significant psychological and health problems, most often lead to being insecure and unable to build a loving relationship. The repetition of a dysfunctional model from the primary family is the result of emotional blockage, and as long as it exists, the person will be inclined to repeat inappropriate behaviors in the relationship or make 'wrong choices'. Dysfunctional family relationships contribute to increased anxiety, depression, anger and aggression, and the person is in a 'vicious circle'. Underlying emotional suffering is the irrational beliefs about love relationships that are formed during growing up and development in unhealthy families. Anxiety, anger, depression disable a person and she simply does not have the emotional capacity to overcome problems and remain trapped without finding a way out of the wrong relationship.
What are the other reasons why I remain in bad relationships? - The repetition of 'mistakes' and wrong choices, as well as staying in a fundamentally inappropriate relationship, can also stem from misconceptions that come to us through cultural and social influences through mass media. The idea that there is only one true love, or often conflicting but influential messages that we are too young or too old for love on a personal psychological plane, can create real confusion and foster an anxious philosophy that is an obstacle to exploration and life change. Nor are romantic representations of love suffering meaningless, which strongly suggest that true love is unthinkable without great pain. Also at the root of many obsessive love relationships is the idea of a healing, therapeutic power of love that binds us to partners who need help and help save. How to get out of this relationship? - A love affair that a person perceives as inappropriate for any reason must be re-examined and analyzed. As people are often unable to do it on their own, psychotherapy can be the right choice. It can significantly help a person more fully and maturely perceive an emotional connection, understand what is not good and what is inappropriate for him, discover aspects of relationships that can be constructively influenced, increase empathy or at least a partner's level of understanding, and ultimately make a decision which will significantly affect satisfaction with oneself and one's life. 4. Type of love relationship Can fear of new love or disappointment be the reason for staying in inadequate relationships? - The psychological theory of emotional attachment, which is formed in early childhood and retains basic characteristics throughout life, suggests that based on early experiences, people tend to form four types of emotional emotional partnerships. The essence of these relationships rests on two internal models: the model of oneself and the models of others, which can be positive or negative.
The confident type has high self-esteem, a positive attitude towards others and tends to have a great degree of intimacy in relationships. Experiencing yourself and others is very positive. The preoccupied type has a low sense of personal worth, and highly values others, fears loneliness and has a great need for closeness. A preoccupation with a relationship provides him with a sense of personal worth. The timid guy has low confidence, lack of confidence in himself and his partner. The fear of rejection and hurt is very pronounced and avoids intimacy. Valuing yourself and others is fundamentally negative. The avoidant type strives for emotional attachment characterized by high self-esteem and low self-esteem. Relying on ourselves and our own strengths is motivated by negative expectations from others. Recognizing these 'types' is the basis for establishing meaningful love and partnerships and can help us overcome weaknesses and indicate that we have the strength to make the emotional relationship we want.
Author: Elie McDowell, Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist,
bad relationship # disappointment # high expectations # marriage model # relationship model # unrealistic expectations