How many times each of us, especially when life shows us sharp teeth, thought how different it would be if we, for example, enrolled in another college, stayed with someone instead of easily leaving the relationship, traveled somewhere when we had the opportunity , accepted a specific business offer ... We make every day decisions about very important and less important things, but the essence is the same - our life is, precisely because of a made, hasty decision or decision not to accept or do something, as it is. Of course, therefore, it is quite normal that we occasionally ask ourselves, 'what if I were ...' 'What should be taken into account when faced with a decision? Is the decision worth regretting at all? What decisions can they harm us? The statistics are unrelenting - we repeatedly regret something we didn't do. Wouldn't it be logical to repent of what was done? - The point of the decision is to want to achieve a certain goal or to solve a problem. Making a decision means taking control of your life and becoming a responsible person. Having multiple alternatives and freedom of choice comes at a cost. It is more likely that we will repent after the election. Fear of the unknown and staying in the comfort zone leads to the loss of 'life chances' and to the fact that 75 percent of people repent of something they did not do. It seems easier to deal with the known negative consequences of being done than with the potential positive outcomes of not doing. The negative consequences of the decision made are experienced and survived. People have a number of mechanisms that allow them to cope with negative events. They put the flow of time and new problems, mistakes and failures into another perspective. When it comes to the positive outcomes that could have happened if we had made a different decision, the human imagination is unlimited, and the potential difficulties are not taken into account. Would it be better if we decided otherwise? We will never know, but as we conclude in the future based on our current emotional state, our current discontent overstates the allure of a lost alternative. It seems to us that everything would be easier and better, and it is more likely that such an assumption is fundamentally wrong.
What kinds of people are trying to make the final decision about important life choices? Who is predisposed to be 'hesitant'? - Everybody sometimes hesitates. The more important the decision, and the more risky its consequences, the harder it is to make a decision. Indecision stems from concerns about the possible error and the negative consequences for which the decision maker is responsible. Determination is not a characteristic of passive, addictive, anxious and depressed persons.
Globally, insecure people are insecure about the difficulty of making decisions. Yet a maturely balanced attitude towards life's problems implies that the person is not impulsive. Impulsiveness, as the opposite of indecision, also speaks to the problems in proper decision making. Impulsive persons are unable to tolerate the annoyance and frustration that the decision-making process brings with them. Prompt decisions made on the boom, as well as delaying them, create new problems, complicate the situation and make it even more difficult to make the right decision. Also, depending on whether you are looking for a lot or are satisfied with a small achievement, the effects of the goals achieved may be somewhat different. People with maximalist demands may achieve more, but they are more inclined to regret and think about the options they missed, concerns, pessimism, and depression. Smaller demands bring more satisfaction. In what situations of life do we most weigh on which side to 'fall' into?
The burden of decision-making is felt by people in those life situations that they consider to be extremely important for achieving the desired goal and maintaining the motivation to reach it despite obstacles. Which school to enroll in? Which college to choose? What is your professional career? Do you start a family with your current emotional partner? These are some of the most important decisions that determine the direction in which our lives will go. Another aspect of decision making is the overcoming of conflicting aspirations and desires that exclude one another. People have doubts to decide and choose one of the possible attractive options, say which car to buy. Or the lesser of two evils, whether to stay in an exhausting job or quit? How to position yourself in relation to a person or a situation in which they have conflicting feelings: whether to accept the job offered despite the difficult working conditions, or to have a marriage with their current partner, although they are not sure of their own feelings. Each of these concerns can be very frustrating, and depending on the personality and belief system, the person will more or less suffer discomfort and take or give up action.
How to decide in cases where one has to decide for less than two evils, because every decision will cause pain? - Living a life involves a continuous process of answering the challenges it poses to us, and often we are in a position to choose between undesirable but only possible options. Everyone strives to choose the one they think will be less evil. Because this is one of the most difficult psychological conflicts, people often, by unconscious mechanisms, defend themselves against the threats that a wrong decision can leave on their self-esteem. Non-constructive reactions are accompanied by an increase in anxiety, depressive or aggressive reactions. The most serious consequence of these conflicts is a psychological disorder ('escape to illness'). Constructive response involves overcoming emotional blocks, appreciating reality, and building problem-solving skills. This enhances the capacity of the individual to cope with life's difficulties in a healthy, self-help way. What are the harder choices we make, the important things to do with work or the ones that relate to emotional life? - It depends on the complexity of the personality, its history, the family and the wider social environment to which it belongs, but to a great extent the importance that the person attaches to different life domains. A person accomplished in a professional role, without a partner or dissatisfied with an emotional connection, and conversely, a person without a job or in an inappropriate job, is directed to that aspect of life that he or she perceives as problematic. Therefore, making decisions in this domain is more difficult. The experience of confidence makes it easy to make decisions.
When we perceive ourselves as a person who is able to cope with life's challenges, make a decision and accept the opportunities to make a mistake, we are well on our way to being more successful, emotionally stable and physically healthy. When deciding whether to just stick to rational arguments, or can the arguments of the heart and intuition help us?
Our brain calculates, calculates to avoid danger and reach the goal. There is considerable psychological evidence that these calculations happen extremely quickly, based on the most common unconscious knowledge of particular phenomena. Experience, but also the organization of the brain, enables that kind of decision-making skill. Research findings also often show that too much information is known to cause confusion and inefficiency. Decisions made under pressure, despite the fact that, by law, probabilities should be mostly wrong, are often very good, despite people handling limited information. Therefore, first impression and thinking can be extremely useful in evaluating decision making. However, to avoid the negative consequences and mistakes of relying on this type of decision making, it is necessary to practice thoughtful and rational decision-making strategies. Unfortunately, the same goes for 'heart strategies'. Making decisions based on your current emotional states is most often wrong. Everyone experienced that the wish fulfilled or the goal achieved did not bring him the pleasure he had expected, or that the situation he feared was not as terrible as he had imagined it. What role can the subconscious play in this? - Let's not forget that humans are not just rational beings. Even when we really try to make a rational decision, it is not excluded that we will repent and question ourselves.
Research by psychologists Dijksterhuis and Van Olden shows that people who are in the process of deciding if, after the options presented, are given the task of engaging in some strenuous mental activity (say, solving anagrams), are able to make better decisions than those who considered reasons for and against. This effect was explained by the theory of subconscious thinking, which points out that our subconscious manages better when it comes to complex decisions. How do you get the subconscious mind to deal with the problem of decision making? The strategy involves first being rationally acquainted with the elements that are necessary for decision making, then engaging attention with strenuous mental activity, and allowing the subconscious to work for us.
When it turns out, though, that we made the wrong decision, what can we learn from that experience?
We are complicated and our actions are influenced by a number of factors, including how we perceive ourselves and how others see us. In addition, remorse is a healthy emotion because it allows us to spot, accept and repair problems that inevitably occur throughout our lives. Taking responsibility, repenting of your mistakes, and forgiving yourself is an important step in enriching our lives with experience and wisdom. There is no evidence that the straight-line life path, the path by socially desirable criteria, without errors and strangers, is the only correct one. 'Guidance' for deciding What strategy to implement to minimize remorse for the decision made? - Giving up on decision-making, ignoring problems, delaying or impulsively responding are bad strategies that increase the possibility of error, and therefore remorse for the decision you make. Useful strategies include a rational decision-making approach, and here are some of them ... - Identify possible alternatives before data collection. People are often unaware of all the possibilities at play, so they psychologically exaggerate the significance and severity of the dilemma that presses them. - Write down the reasons for and against the procedure. This will make the alternatives clearer. - Think about who will be influenced by your decision. Involve others in the process, especially if your decision will affect their lives. - Assess the risk before applying the chosen alternative. Think about what can go wrong and what you can do to minimize the risk and overcome the difficulty. - Do a mental rehearsal - imagine what the outcome of the decision will be. - Make a plan of action. Refine your decision to the timeframe. Identify small rewards that will motivate you to persevere. Write it down. - When you make your decision, commit to the action plan and forget about what-if? ''
Author: David Perptua, Mental Health Counsellor
remorse # decision # life choice # difficulty deciding # burden decision # subconscious