Memories can awaken the most tender emotions, bring us back to some ancient times, remind us of the people and moments that marked our lives. They are invoked by smells, sounds, famous faces, cities, landscapes… From small pictures they make up a mosaic of our life, tell the story of our soul, desires, hopes…Painful and unpleasant memories, however, are often "buried" in the depths of our being and reluctant to let them "go out".
We are afraid that if we let them return, it will take all our strength and whoever knows to convince us that we are so weak, fragile and vulnerable.
Memories give meaning to our lives, connect reality with the events of the past and thus create an image of the world we live in. They are the backbone of our identity and self-awareness. Although we go through many changes throughout our lives, memories allow us to experience ourselves as unique and unique beings. Memories are based on a specific form of memory - episodic or autobiographical memory. It is formed around the age of four, which, among other things, explains the lack of memory at an early age. Thanks to memories we create a subjective experience of time, we know about the past and the future. On a personal level, memories allow us to learn from our own experience, to pursue our goals. Memories are the meaning of our lives, because they determine what we were, what we are now and what we will be. They help us maintain objectivity and distance from the past and set ourselves differently towards the future. We all remember the 'smells of childhood', the smell of freshly baked cakes, fresh bread, our mother's perfume… which, every time we feel them, give us a sense of security and indulgence. What, besides fragrance, does it most easily bring back to us memories?
The sense of smell as the 'oldest sense' plays an irreplaceable role in the formation of memories. Neurologists say that one of the first signs of dementia, or pathological forgetfulness, can be a disorder of the sense of smell. Otherwise, the connection between sensory sensations and memories, while obvious, is surprising and mysterious. Every time we buy a souvenir or little thing that reminds us of a place we visited or an event that was important, we actually help the memory to preserve not only the facts but also the emotion that accompanied the event. This is how memories are born and created. The brain integrates concepts and experiences related to events, so it is the easiest to bring back memories that remind us of them - smells, music, names, faces, landscapes ... Can remembering beautiful times from the past help us feel better and how good it is to "warm up" to our memories? - Memories of significant events of the past are important to man, but also to society in general. Family history, for example, is materialized in photographs and stories from the past that family members share in moments of closeness. Memories, or memories, are an important pillar of identity. Success memories and bright moments are a source of strength and motivation, as well as shelter and escape. However, sometimes the "trapping in the past" that we idealized blocks us from dealing with current problems. The phenomenon of "immigrant nostalgia" is known, which is, in fact, the imagination of "utopia" in the past, which creates an unrealistic, nostalgic picture that everything used to be nicer and easier. However, the “courage” of the memories can be as healing as it is, and the recall of pleasant memories helps the most in depressive states. The vicious circle of bad memories and depression makes it impossible to realistically see our own strengths and weaknesses, it does not allow us to face reality. The memory of success helps to put current problems in the realm of reality, not to view failures as devastating, to perceive them as less terrible, difficult, but not unbearable and unchanging. It is not a false consolation, but an understanding of the complexity and richness of life.
Is it good to suppress unpleasant memories, on the other hand? - It is very difficult for people who have unpleasant and painful memories to talk about. Remembering traumatic events takes great courage, necessary in the path of change, to make our lives worth living. But the answer to the question of whether it is good to suppress unpleasant feelings is far more complicated. Traumas are long remembered. Even when we want to forget the whole being, the unpleasant memories come back even stronger and stronger, sometimes even in dreams. They are also common. "flash memories", and their specificity is extraordinary vividness and detail, so that a person has the impression that he is reliving a traumatic experience. Memory research, on the other hand, indicates that, in periods of intense stress and intense emotional distress, we can remember an emotional experience completely separate from the facts, whereby the brain may "store" the facts badly while preserving emotional memory. When faced with stress again, the part of the brain that stores emotional memories intensifies its activity, ie. memory of trauma. For example, an adult who is terrified of encountering dogs owes his phobia to a traumatic encounter with a dog in childhood without ever having to remember the event that triggered the fear. Psychology has known the possibility of consciously repressing unpleasant experiences. However, the memory of them can come back completely spontaneously even after many years. Nevertheless, the ability to block trauma memories is often a key survival strategy, a basic defense mechanism. Suppression is an active, motivated forgetting, which works completely unconsciously. Yet the repressed memories found in the unconscious continue to influence conscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In psychotherapy, it is very important for a person to deal with unrecognized emotions, accept them and tolerate them, because they are an integral part of life. When it comes to fond memories, what depends on whom or what we will remember vividly, and what things will we forget completely?
People interpret reality in accordance with their similarity and experiences, giving events some meaning. In the memories of each person are those events that are important for that person, which are strongly emotionally colored and whose consequences are considered significant. When it comes to personal experiences that do not accompany strong emotional experiences, research indicates that we all suffer from partial amnesia. Mostly we can remember exactly what happened to us in the second half of our lives. If you are 20, you will remember the previous 10, if you are 60, remember the last thirty relatively well. Generally speaking, we all forget the information within three years, and what remains after that is usually permanently engraved into memory. The human brain is capable of storing around one billion information. So why does it happen that we can't remember some people or events, such as the name of the person we went to class with? - We often remember what we want to forget, and forget what we want to remember. People constantly forget, mis-remember and 'make' mistakes in memory, but those mistakes are a valuable signpost to how our memory works, in fact, how we function. It is possible that you did not remember the name of the person who went with you to the class because during that period you were, for example, too overwhelmed with yourself. It is also possible that you did not attach sufficient importance to that person, you simply did not bother to remember her. The events that are remembered by one of the proven techniques of good memory are long and strikingly remembered. These are powerful tools that even today allow you to remember, for example Pythagoras' theorems.
"The square over hypotenuse that every child knows, equals the sum of the squares over both catheters." The song is so catchy, catchy, and easy to etch into one's memory. When we transform personal experiences into creative, unusual images, exciting or humorous stories, we create the most memorable memories, even when their significance or emotional 'weight' is not too great. Using all the senses and giving movement to images further enhances the permanence of memory. Also, when you recall an event in the first 24 hours, you are more likely to remember it for longer. Does the way we remember things and create memories "reveal" us, do our memories depend on the type of personality, or do we still have some universal rules? - Universal memories are highly dependent on the culture to which one belongs. So, for example, the usual “memory package” of people from our space on the first day of school, first kissing, kissing, wedding day, birth of a child...Remembering the events in which we participated inevitably encounters gaps and ambiguities that we fill ourselves. In fact, we are adding, inventing and 'remaking' information automatically and unknowingly, to make sense of something. We adapt new experiences to our already existing knowledge, attitudes and prejudices, so it is hard to say that our memories are always a faithful copy of real events of the past. Even when we are confident in our memory, it does not necessarily mean that it is true.
Author: Elisabeth Allis, psychologist and psychotherapist
memories # sense of smell # universal memories # memories # flash memories # repression #
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that occurs in some people after being exposed to a dangerous event. People suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder feel tension and fear even when they are no longer in danger. Any person can contract post-traumatic stress disorder at any time in their life. People at risk of post-traumatic stress include: war veterans, survivors of physical or sexual assault, abuse, accidents, natural disasters and many other serious events. A person does not have to survive a dangerous event to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Some people contract this disorder after a friend or family member faces danger or is injured. Also, the sudden unexpected death of a loved one can cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder Diagnostic criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder indicate that a person has been exposed to a traumatic event that refers to a person experiencing, attending, or facing an event or events that presented a real or potential death or serious injury or threatened personal or someone else's bodily integrity. In response to a traumatic situation, intense fear, a sense of helplessness or horror occurred. Symptoms of PTSD Symptoms and a fully developed clinical picture of post-traumatic stress disorder can appear immediately after a stress event, shortly after, or after many years. Post-traumatic stress disorder can cause a number of symptoms that are grouped into three categories:
Symptoms of trauma survival:
1. feedback, intrusive and unpleasant memories of the event, including performances, thoughts and observations;
2. recurring disturbing dreams of the event;
3. behaving or experiencing as if the traumatic event were re-occurring (through the feeling of reliving the trauma, illusion, hallucination, images from the past);
4. intense discomfort when exposed to internal or external stimuli that symbolize or resemble a traumatic event;
5. physiological reactivity when exposed to internal or external stimuli resembling a traumatic event.
Trauma Avoidance Symptoms and General Dumbness Symptoms:
1. efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations regarding trauma;
2. efforts to avoid trauma-like activities, places, or persons;
3. difficulties in remembering a dangerous event;
4. loss of interest in activities that were previously the subject of interest;
5. experiencing separation or alienation from other people;
6. narrowed range of feelings;
7. experience without perspective. Things that remind a person of a traumatic event can trigger symptoms of avoidance and cause the person to change their routine. For example, after a serious car accident, a person who otherwise drives a car may start to avoid it.
Symptoms of over-arousal:
1. difficulty sleeping;
2. irritability or outbursts of anger;
3. difficulty concentrating;
4. the focus is on the potential sources of danger;
5.an over-pronounced twitch reaction. Symptoms of over-arousal are usually constant and not just triggered by things that are reminiscent of a traumatic event. A person may feel angry and stressed as these symptoms make it difficult to carry out daily tasks as well as sleep, diet or concentration.
The diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder is made by a doctor who has experience in helping people with mental illness, that is, a psychiatrist and psychologist. To be diagnosed, a patient must have symptoms for at least one month.
These symptoms are:
1. at least one symptom of recurrence;
2. at least three symptoms of avoidance;
3. at least two symptoms of over-arousal;
4. symptoms that make it difficult for a person to live daily life, going to school or work, hanging out with friends or performing important tasks.
Treatment of PTSD The main treatment treatment for people with post-traumatic stress disorder involves psychotherapy, medication therapy, or both. Each person is different and therefore treatment methods that are effective for one may not be effective for another. In order to successfully deal with stressful situations, it is necessary in peacetime to build an effective program of preventive measures for mental health care that will influence the immediate strengthening of the defense forces of the individual. The individual and the group should be trained to successfully overcome fear in stressful situations that always bring psychic crises and traumas. In order to be able to do so, one must know the psychological principles of fear and how it can be overcome. Knowledge of the factors that have a detrimental effect on the development and mental health of children and young people is very important in order to apply educational and mental and hygiene measures in a timely manner in the prevention of mental disorders.
Psychotherapy means treating the psyche, or treating it with psychological impact. However, it is more than healing because it involves learning, upbringing, changing and maturing of a person, while at the same time in addition to the intrapsychic procedure, the interpersonal aspect. Psychotherapy is the systematic use of the relationship between psychotherapists and patients in order to produce psychiatric changes in the patient (client). The goals of psychotherapy are treatment (elimination of symptoms and problems, better functioning), development (the patient goes beyond the stall in psychosocial development) and prevention (to strengthen the patient for future experiences). People with post-traumatic stress disorder can be helped by various forms of psychotherapy. Cognitive behavioral orientation psychotherapist uses some of the techniques such as:
This technique helps people cope with and control the source of their fear. A person with PTSD is exposed to the trauma they endured in a protected therapeutic setting. They use the methods of imagining, writing or visiting the places where the event took place.
This technique helps patients to cope with bad memories. Sometimes, people remember a particular event differently from how it actually happened. They may feel guilty or ashamed of something that has not happened to their fault. Therapists help people with post-traumatic stress disorder remember what happened in a realistic way. Stress inoculation training. This technique aims to reduce the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder by teaching patients how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this form of treatment helps patients remember surviving events in a healthy way. Some of the relaxation techniques such as e.g. progressive muscle relaxation.
Medication therapy can facilitate the successful passage of psychotherapy and, as the case may be, include antidepressants or anxiolytics that can control symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder such as sadness, worry, and indifference.
AUTHOR: IRENA WERNER, psychologist and psychotherapist
PTSD # Post-traumatic Stress Disorder # Exposure # Stress Inoculation # Psychotherapy #Cognitive Restructuring
A fatal affair involves a fateful affair between two people in which they have no control over their feelings and reactions, as if they were not able to decide freely whether to stay together. Fateful love is not infatuation, it goes beyond the sweet suspense and attraction felt at the beginning of a relationship. In fatal love, uncertainty, magnetic attraction and passion that endure are the main characteristics of relationships. At the same time, it is much different from mature love because in addition to euphoria, it involves psychological suffering and much pain, which makes it tragic. Also, it does not leave the possibility for the feeling of love to develop because it does not create the basis for the development of the partner's personality and the relationship itself. The couple seem to be spinning in a vicious circle, in which hurt and pain offset the fleeting moments of ecstasy.
Fatal love is an essentially dependent relationship that has the characteristics of obsession. Such relationships are dominated by anxiety, tension, fear of abandonment and rejection. Initial insecurity soon gives way to jealousy, addiction, despair and an obsessive desire for control. Partners believe that their relationship would be ideal only if the other changed. The destruction that characterizes such a relationship can be an expression of mistaken beliefs about what love is, but also of complex patterns, the essence of which is some of the psychopathological phenomena, often a personality disorder.
THE HARD END
Emotional problems, lack of empathy, inability to experience feelings, or psychopathology can often lead to dramatic functioning in a relationship. The person who is obsessed with his partner most often identifies the intensity of love with the intensity of obsession, and the feeling of love with excitement and euphoria, which can hardly be maintained without drama. A person who is desperate for love, on the other hand, is misunderstood by possessiveness, jealousy, and control as an expression of the power of love. With such a relationship it goes without saying that I cannot live without you. Crucially for a dependent and obsessed partner is the irrational belief that without a person with whom life is impossible and meaningless. To be left is the end of the world. Thus, in spite of suffering, pain and suffering, the fatal relationship is maintained and partners often return to each other with numerous attempts to break up. In extreme cases, the outcome may be tragic, psychological and physical violence possible. It is not uncommon for a person left injured to persevere in the idealization of an inaccessible partner. He attributes to him traits that he does not possess, an imagination about how the relationship would develop to survive, and thus impede the experience of love in real life. If the relationship did not last, chances are that the person was not appropriate, could not return love, just was not right.
Although it is not easy to determine the typical personality profile prone to fatal love relationships, it is clear that the immaturity of both partners is the basis for this. Non-integrated, dependent persons are more likely to enter into bad relationships. The insecure and people of low self-esteem are magnetically attracted to manipulative, emotionally unavailable or problematic personalities (gamblers, cheats, alcoholics, abusers). When looking at the past of such persons, they often experienced some kind of emotional deprivation and neglect, separated or abandoned by significant figures. Therefore, a fatal love affair is at the same time an expression and companion of emotional problems, but seemingly also a chance to overcome them. Overcoming an obsessive attachment, addiction, and fascination with another person is a difficult path, but change is possible. True love does not restrain or stifle, and pleasurable feelings are predominantly experienced: happiness, pleasure, fulfillment. A mature person accepts, or loves himself, integrity and emotional intelligence. This self-love enables us to be someone else, or rather a loving partner, not a person who compensates for our lack, but one who builds a new integrity with us. However, the sense of self-worth and meaning that motivates us to live the best life possible can sometimes be the result of the difficult and thorny path we have gone through overcoming fatal love.
Author: Mark Newman, Psychologist & Psychotherapist
love that hurts # magnetic attraction # passion # fatal love # love connection # immaturity
Formerly modesty was valued as a supreme virtue, it was a prerequisite for the development of other character traits that embellish the 'good man', and the old saying was: 'the sign of greatness is modesty, and the petty ride in the chariot of self-love'. However, the definition of this character trait has changed so much that in modern times it is nothing but a choking of its own potentials, an energy blocker and the source of many problems, especially when it comes to business relationships. How can one trait have so many opposite meanings? Did it happen because new times brought new values, different "rules of the game" and changed the "list" of desirable features? Are we humble born, or are we becoming? Are our mothers and fathers responsible for putting modesty into character permanently and for not being able to break free from this trait even when it causes us problems? Or do we not have this feature "written" in our character? Is it possible at all to change character traits and personalities in order to keep up with changes globally? Psychologist Maria Lompedo answers these and many other questions. What is modesty really? Is the definition of this term unique or personality-dependent?
- Modesty is a character trait. Although, above all, it describes a person's relationship to himself, his personal qualities and achievements, at the same time he is also a way of introducing himself to other people. Modesty in behavior is positively valued in the social environment. It is also the basis of tolerance and respect for others and allows others to express their personality. Still, modesty is mentioned in different contexts. Sometimes this means that requests and desires can have modesty, ie. that they are not exaggerated, unrealistic and in line with possibilities. Also, many will describe modesty as a kind of awareness of their own significance in relation to the infinity of the universe, the wonder of life or the wisdom of God. In addition to these positives, modesty is also used in describing one's underdeveloped potentials and limited capabilities, but also as a trait that puts a person in an inferior position in a competitive environment. Therefore, different people will define modesty in different ways. We can understand it more fully through its opposite - immodesty. And it is defined as a mixture of lust, greed, arrogance, ambition, bragging, eternal dissatisfaction with what a person has and (or) achieves. If we are talking about our attitude towards our own personality and achievements, the humble person has no need to stand out, impose his own values and fascinate the environment with his specialty. We can say that in some ways a person is aware of their limitations, but on the other hand has something to be proud of. The humble are generally loved in their surroundings, people in their society feel extremely comfortable.
Once modesty stood out as a virtue, today it is often perceived as a flaw, especially in the sphere of business relations. What has most influenced the "value" of this property to fluctuate so much? - Modesty is a social virtue and has a strong communication effect on other people. Like many social virtues, modesty has a number of connotations that depend on what is considered valuable in society. This actually means that in times of changing social values, many of the social virtues will be neglected and receive completely opposite meanings. Such treatment of socially desirable traits is an indicator of the value confusion in which society is situated, but also of the person who lives in such a society. And that we live in a confusion of value is a fact that cannot be ignored. Modesty is a trait that, combined with, for example, honesty and honesty, can cause a lot of problems. This creates a great dilemma for parents how to educate their children, whether they should be "taught" by modesty, which can be more and more obstructive in their lives. However, this kind of dilemma can be overcome by developing a flexible attitude towards reality. How much modesty helps us, in what situations, and when it blocks the achievement of goals?
- And when it comes to virtues, ie. personality traits that society values, and when it comes to other traits, including personality itself, we do not benefit from their global appreciation. So for modesty as a character trait we can say that it has both positive and negative aspects. It is simply not possible for us to function flawlessly in all situations. Modesty is a desirable trait for society as a whole. The humble man has no expressed need to dominate and amaze other people. Since it is not competitive, it is rarely in conflict with its surroundings and people prefer it. From the standpoint of the individual, the humble person is more inclined to make prudent and thoughtful decisions that protect him / her from unnecessary and risky situations. Therefore, a modest person is less likely to fail and is less exposed to stressful situations. When they do, though, it is easier to deal with them than a person who overestimates their own strengths and capabilities. Modesty will not be socially functional in situations where an individual or group competes, because a competition philosophy involves group dynamics where there is no place for modesty as it can lead to a losing position. Also, at the individual level, it is sometimes necessary to take risks, step out of the comfort zone, examine one's boundaries, explore potential and encourage personality development. That cannot be done with modesty. Being humble and not highlighting your positive traits and accomplishments when interviewing for a job, for example, can compromise the chances of getting the job you want. Taking over your abilities and qualifications on such an occasion would probably not be a reflection of modesty but of some other traits. Are we born humble, do we inherit this trait or do we acquire it depending on the circumstances and life course? - From a young age, parents, school and peers have shaped modesty in their child. Of course, this design is more successful if it relies on innate preferences. Generally, a personality assembly implies a complex interplay of many factors, both innate and acquired, whereby the person himself, through his activity, forms an inimitable experience. In the course of development and in contact with other people, cultures, but also under the influence of significant and difficult life events such as illnesses, death of important and dear people, divorce, loss of business ... the modesty of modesty is finally formed and "enrolled" in nature.
What are humble people like? How to identify "false modesty", how different is it from "true"? - Humble people do not have to represent themselves better than they are. Mostly they perceive themselves realistically, see and accept their virtues and disadvantages. They also have no need to dominate others and compete to gain power or gain higher status. They are tolerant of communication and not overly self-directed. This makes them open to new ideas and opinions from other people. A humble person is certainly not shy, withdrawn, inhibited, uninterested in success and life satisfaction. A humble person values human diversity and social values. Considering that modesty is a valued trait, it is not uncommon for people to act modesty when they feel that it is worthwhile in a particular situation. This is what we call 'false modesty'. Understanding the true meaning of modesty is often "complicated" by a resemblance to decent behavior that excludes boasting, overly ambitious and intrusive behavior, but also self-expression. Responsibility in handling does not automatically indicate that the person is modest and that the two characteristics should not be confused. The tendency for a person to neglect or downplay his or her qualities and achievements is often regarded as 'false modesty'. It is not a question of trying to manipulate for the sake of achieving benefits, but of inhibition. Can we get rid of modesty? - A psychologically sound position would mean getting rid of "false modesty", which requires the conversion and unnecessary investment of energy into creating a false image of ourselves. Developing a philosophy of self-acceptance versus conditional acceptance of self strengthens potentials, clearer views of both flaws and virtues. Real self-assessment prevents us from constructing 'false identities'. Therefore, modesty is a needless maneuver, and modesty is a natural result of a balanced relationship with ourselves and the reality that surrounds us. Avoid the pitfalls of falsehood How to educate a child to accept and adopt only the positive aspects of modesty?
- The family, with its dominant behavioral models and educational practices that shape prevalent family values, plays a major, perhaps crucial, role in developing and consolidating modesty. At stake are the moral lessons that modesty carries as a character trait, which we pass on to future generations. It is one of the basic functions of the family. In spite of the turbulent times of concern, every family, except love and support, has the task of preparing and strengthening the offspring for independent living as best they can. Therefore, let us guard against unfounded generalizations and nurture a flexible relation to reality. We strive to develop positive aspects of modesty in our children, which is achieved through realistic relationships to oneself and self-acceptance. We teach them decency and how to avoid the pitfalls of "false" modesty. If a child is educated so as to be given unrealistic and excessive praise and criticism, if he or she is compared too much to siblings or other children, he or she adopts the view that it is much worse or much better than others, it emphasizes the wrong evaluation criteria and such upbringing will certainly not create humble children. However, one has to be careful and teach children not to underestimate their abilities, to develop their potential and talents.
Author: Maria Lompedo, Psychologist & Psychotherapist
modesty # false modesty # character trait # educating # modest person
The problem of delaying commitments can burden you with varying intensity. However, it is clear that most of us know what is meant by the tendency to leave what we should do today - for tomorrow. Such behavior in psychology is known as procrastination and should not be confused with laziness in which there is no awareness of the existence of a task, goal, or problem. In procrastination, there is an awareness of the need to take certain actions. Since the activity in question is most often perceived as annoying, such a person postpones it, resulting in sabotage of problem solving. By postponing the action required, the problem is not resolved, and obligations are accumulated. All areas of life can be covered by this phenomenon. We defer commitments at home, at work or college, commitments that relate to medical control or practicing healthy lifestyles. Research shows that 24 percent of people suffer from chronic procrastination.
The most common causes are: lack of self-control, perfectionism, fear of failure, fear of criticism, self-doubt, inability to make the correct time needed to complete a task, passive aggression, rebelliousness, feeling that life is too short for trivial obligations.
Modern lifestyles have led to an increase in distracting activities and an increase in the problem of procrastination. Television and Turkish or Spanish series, computer, internet, various gadgets ... greatly provoke a lack of self-control and procrastination. Those who are experienced in procrastination know that enthusiasm for a new activity is actually a relief that encourages delaying unpleasant jobs. The ability to do multiple jobs at the same time - multitasking, can be a useful skill, but it is also often a form of covert procrastination. Starting tomorrow or Monday may be the subject of a joke, but fundamentally these are the ways in which I leave my loft and keep our spirits in spite of unfinished commitments. The constant delay of the inevitable is complicated by feelings of guilt, increased anxiety, self-blame, and depression over the delay. These feelings reinforce the unpleasantness created by delay and reinforce avoidant behavior.
WRONG WAYS TO HELP YOURSELF
If you try to motivate yourself by saying something like this: I have to do it, If I don't do it, the consequences will be dire, For this job I need a special mood or inspiration, and in doing so you imagine the activity and the annoyance that it produces , it is quite certain that you will sabotage yourself with the wrong ways of motivation. Motivation through rigid demands, fear of consequences or the inconvenience of performing activities, increases resistance and emotional blockages, and thus complicates rather than solves the problem of procrastination.
HOW TO PREVENT DELAY
The problem with giving straightforward advice to people who procrastinate on solving a problem is that it is often in vain. A procrastinator is very aware of his behavior, often having a considerable number of possible techniques to overcome problems, but delaying their practice. But still, it's good to know: - Know the motives and reasons behind the procrastination. - Meet and accept yourself as a complex being. This involves dealing with our own shortcomings and imperfections, but also having a realistic view of our own strengths and potentials. - Develop a philosophy of rational, controlled hedonism that, for the sake of long-term well-being and satisfaction, advocates short-term acceptance of pain, suffering and discomfort. Remember the situations that made you happy just because you put a lot of effort and sacrifice into their realization. Everything worth really has a price. - Work on changing your habits at the same time, trying to keep your expectations low. Start with small demands and modest goals, try to manage yourself by making decisions and rewards for the goals you have achieved. - Whatever you do, let it be for a few minutes, your brain will not resist without striving to finish it. - Develop effective motivation. Make a plan keeping in mind that you plan to perform unpleasant and then enjoyable activities first. Also, first address urgent, routine activities and then just as important but not urgent obligations. - Take responsibility for your own time and personal life. It gives you the freedom to change what you don't like by developing yourself as a person.
Author: Liz Groove, psychologist and counselor
procrastination # liability # procrastination
Concerns, anxieties and fears that intensify beyond real danger are usually referred to as a common term. How we should combat all this is revealed by our expert associate Given the many mental dysfunctions underlying anxiety, we could say without exaggeration that it is an epidemic phenomenon. Of the many types of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive - compulsive disorder, social phobia and post-traumatic stress disorder, phobias are by far the most common form of anxiety. One in six, six have some form of phobic behavior, with the frequency being slightly higher in women than in men (as opposed to the obsessive - compulsive disorder that is more common in the male population).
WHAT IS A PHOBIA? It is a very intense, irrational fear of certain situations, specific objects, activities or persons. She is characterized by a strong and conscious desire to avoid being confronted with an object or situation in the presence of which she experiences panic fear and a variety of dramatic symptoms such as: redness of the face, accelerations and irregularities of heart rhythm, shivering, dry mouth, feeling of instability, fainting and / or dizzy ...
TYPES OF THESE FEARS
Phobias are not a unique phenomenon. Most commonly, we distinguish between agoraphobia, then social phobia and specific phobias. Agoraphobia is the fear of an open space, a public place from which there is no possibility of a quick departure or of leaving a space in which a person feels safe. It is most commonly associated with panic disorder. Social phobia refers to the fear that occurs in the environment of other people. It is most often related to the possibility of such a person getting married, that is, to be negatively judged by others. What sets social phobia apart from the usual concern for the image we transmit to other people is the anxiety about the possibility that others perceive our fear, which leads to a pronounced neuroticization of social functioning.
And finally, there is a whole list of extremely common but also specific phobias that relate to fear of certain objects, such as spiders (arachnophobia) or specific situations, such as fear of heights (acrophobia), thunder, darkness, blood, the fact that many specific phobias, unlike social anxiety and agoraphobia, do not interfere with the essential functioning of such persons. Because they represent an extreme form of emotional learning, people organize their lives by either adapting or avoiding situations that cause their phobias.
WHAT IS ANXIETY?
It represents excitement about a situation we interpret as a threat or a danger. It is a key reaction that has ensured survival in the uncertain and inhospitable environment in which the human species has evolved. It, therefore, allowed for a quick response (escape or fight) and therefore an evolutionary advantage. Anxiety is due to a number of factors. Traumatic experiences, as well as abuse, especially in the early stages of life, play an essential role in the onset of all anxiety disorders. However, experience alone is not enough. Modern scientific research has concluded that anxiety is genetically based - people are born with different predispositions to anxiety. The latest methods of studying brain function have also found that the anxiety of the anxious person responds differently to threat signals, unlike the normal one that is an error in the neurological mechanism that holds the anxiety response within the normal range. Simply put, there is no switch that stops anxiety. The original misjudgment is not adjusted to reality, but creates such a powerful emotional reaction of fear, which continues to feed and survive through avoidance. A distorted picture of oneself and situation, solidifies and becomes an irrational belief.
METHOD OF TREATMENT
Cognitive - behavioral therapy is delivering good results thanks to scientific research that demonstrates that principles of learning and experience formation can be applied for therapeutic purposes. Formed irrational beliefs and thinking errors can be replaced by rational ideas and correct conclusions, and exposing and gradually adjusting to the situation in the presence of an object that causes intense tension and fear, allow a person to face the fact that the world is not happening and that the correct way of thinking solidifies in experience. The vicious cycle of anxiety is thus interrupted and the person experiences what he or she has on the conscious level as the realization - that she is actually safe or at least not threatened by the danger she is unable to cope with.
Author: Alexandra Whinter, Psychologist & Psychotherapist
anxiety # phobia # fear treatment # KBT # cognitive behavioral therapy # dizziness # fainting
How many times each of us, especially when life shows us sharp teeth, thought how different it would be if we, for example, enrolled in another college, stayed with someone instead of easily leaving the relationship, traveled somewhere when we had the opportunity , accepted a specific business offer ... We make every day decisions about very important and less important things, but the essence is the same - our life is, precisely because of a made, hasty decision or decision not to accept or do something, as it is. Of course, therefore, it is quite normal that we occasionally ask ourselves, 'what if I were ...' 'What should be taken into account when faced with a decision? Is the decision worth regretting at all? What decisions can they harm us? The statistics are unrelenting - we repeatedly regret something we didn't do. Wouldn't it be logical to repent of what was done? - The point of the decision is to want to achieve a certain goal or to solve a problem. Making a decision means taking control of your life and becoming a responsible person. Having multiple alternatives and freedom of choice comes at a cost. It is more likely that we will repent after the election. Fear of the unknown and staying in the comfort zone leads to the loss of 'life chances' and to the fact that 75 percent of people repent of something they did not do. It seems easier to deal with the known negative consequences of being done than with the potential positive outcomes of not doing. The negative consequences of the decision made are experienced and survived. People have a number of mechanisms that allow them to cope with negative events. They put the flow of time and new problems, mistakes and failures into another perspective. When it comes to the positive outcomes that could have happened if we had made a different decision, the human imagination is unlimited, and the potential difficulties are not taken into account. Would it be better if we decided otherwise? We will never know, but as we conclude in the future based on our current emotional state, our current discontent overstates the allure of a lost alternative. It seems to us that everything would be easier and better, and it is more likely that such an assumption is fundamentally wrong.
What kinds of people are trying to make the final decision about important life choices? Who is predisposed to be 'hesitant'? - Everybody sometimes hesitates. The more important the decision, and the more risky its consequences, the harder it is to make a decision. Indecision stems from concerns about the possible error and the negative consequences for which the decision maker is responsible. Determination is not a characteristic of passive, addictive, anxious and depressed persons.
Globally, insecure people are insecure about the difficulty of making decisions. Yet a maturely balanced attitude towards life's problems implies that the person is not impulsive. Impulsiveness, as the opposite of indecision, also speaks to the problems in proper decision making. Impulsive persons are unable to tolerate the annoyance and frustration that the decision-making process brings with them. Prompt decisions made on the boom, as well as delaying them, create new problems, complicate the situation and make it even more difficult to make the right decision. Also, depending on whether you are looking for a lot or are satisfied with a small achievement, the effects of the goals achieved may be somewhat different. People with maximalist demands may achieve more, but they are more inclined to regret and think about the options they missed, concerns, pessimism, and depression. Smaller demands bring more satisfaction. In what situations of life do we most weigh on which side to 'fall' into?
The burden of decision-making is felt by people in those life situations that they consider to be extremely important for achieving the desired goal and maintaining the motivation to reach it despite obstacles. Which school to enroll in? Which college to choose? What is your professional career? Do you start a family with your current emotional partner? These are some of the most important decisions that determine the direction in which our lives will go. Another aspect of decision making is the overcoming of conflicting aspirations and desires that exclude one another. People have doubts to decide and choose one of the possible attractive options, say which car to buy. Or the lesser of two evils, whether to stay in an exhausting job or quit? How to position yourself in relation to a person or a situation in which they have conflicting feelings: whether to accept the job offered despite the difficult working conditions, or to have a marriage with their current partner, although they are not sure of their own feelings. Each of these concerns can be very frustrating, and depending on the personality and belief system, the person will more or less suffer discomfort and take or give up action.
How to decide in cases where one has to decide for less than two evils, because every decision will cause pain? - Living a life involves a continuous process of answering the challenges it poses to us, and often we are in a position to choose between undesirable but only possible options. Everyone strives to choose the one they think will be less evil. Because this is one of the most difficult psychological conflicts, people often, by unconscious mechanisms, defend themselves against the threats that a wrong decision can leave on their self-esteem. Non-constructive reactions are accompanied by an increase in anxiety, depressive or aggressive reactions. The most serious consequence of these conflicts is a psychological disorder ('escape to illness'). Constructive response involves overcoming emotional blocks, appreciating reality, and building problem-solving skills. This enhances the capacity of the individual to cope with life's difficulties in a healthy, self-help way. What are the harder choices we make, the important things to do with work or the ones that relate to emotional life? - It depends on the complexity of the personality, its history, the family and the wider social environment to which it belongs, but to a great extent the importance that the person attaches to different life domains. A person accomplished in a professional role, without a partner or dissatisfied with an emotional connection, and conversely, a person without a job or in an inappropriate job, is directed to that aspect of life that he or she perceives as problematic. Therefore, making decisions in this domain is more difficult. The experience of confidence makes it easy to make decisions.
When we perceive ourselves as a person who is able to cope with life's challenges, make a decision and accept the opportunities to make a mistake, we are well on our way to being more successful, emotionally stable and physically healthy. When deciding whether to just stick to rational arguments, or can the arguments of the heart and intuition help us?
Our brain calculates, calculates to avoid danger and reach the goal. There is considerable psychological evidence that these calculations happen extremely quickly, based on the most common unconscious knowledge of particular phenomena. Experience, but also the organization of the brain, enables that kind of decision-making skill. Research findings also often show that too much information is known to cause confusion and inefficiency. Decisions made under pressure, despite the fact that, by law, probabilities should be mostly wrong, are often very good, despite people handling limited information. Therefore, first impression and thinking can be extremely useful in evaluating decision making. However, to avoid the negative consequences and mistakes of relying on this type of decision making, it is necessary to practice thoughtful and rational decision-making strategies. Unfortunately, the same goes for 'heart strategies'. Making decisions based on your current emotional states is most often wrong. Everyone experienced that the wish fulfilled or the goal achieved did not bring him the pleasure he had expected, or that the situation he feared was not as terrible as he had imagined it. What role can the subconscious play in this? - Let's not forget that humans are not just rational beings. Even when we really try to make a rational decision, it is not excluded that we will repent and question ourselves.
Research by psychologists Dijksterhuis and Van Olden shows that people who are in the process of deciding if, after the options presented, are given the task of engaging in some strenuous mental activity (say, solving anagrams), are able to make better decisions than those who considered reasons for and against. This effect was explained by the theory of subconscious thinking, which points out that our subconscious manages better when it comes to complex decisions. How do you get the subconscious mind to deal with the problem of decision making? The strategy involves first being rationally acquainted with the elements that are necessary for decision making, then engaging attention with strenuous mental activity, and allowing the subconscious to work for us.
When it turns out, though, that we made the wrong decision, what can we learn from that experience?
We are complicated and our actions are influenced by a number of factors, including how we perceive ourselves and how others see us. In addition, remorse is a healthy emotion because it allows us to spot, accept and repair problems that inevitably occur throughout our lives. Taking responsibility, repenting of your mistakes, and forgiving yourself is an important step in enriching our lives with experience and wisdom. There is no evidence that the straight-line life path, the path by socially desirable criteria, without errors and strangers, is the only correct one. 'Guidance' for deciding What strategy to implement to minimize remorse for the decision made? - Giving up on decision-making, ignoring problems, delaying or impulsively responding are bad strategies that increase the possibility of error, and therefore remorse for the decision you make. Useful strategies include a rational decision-making approach, and here are some of them ... - Identify possible alternatives before data collection. People are often unaware of all the possibilities at play, so they psychologically exaggerate the significance and severity of the dilemma that presses them. - Write down the reasons for and against the procedure. This will make the alternatives clearer. - Think about who will be influenced by your decision. Involve others in the process, especially if your decision will affect their lives. - Assess the risk before applying the chosen alternative. Think about what can go wrong and what you can do to minimize the risk and overcome the difficulty. - Do a mental rehearsal - imagine what the outcome of the decision will be. - Make a plan of action. Refine your decision to the timeframe. Identify small rewards that will motivate you to persevere. Write it down. - When you make your decision, commit to the action plan and forget about what-if? ''
Author: David Perptua, Mental Health Counsellor
remorse # decision # life choice # difficulty deciding # burden decision # subconscious
You must have a friend, an acquaintance, a colleague who is in a long relationship or a marriage in which he / she is not satisfied / satisfied, and who is constantly talked about in a negative context. Research shows that many people, for many reasons, tend to stay in relationships that are not custom-made. Some are afraid of new beginnings, so it is easier to be in a bad relationship than to strive for a new one, someone is afraid of loneliness and is guided by the logic of "give what you give", others love their partner and are ready for incredible compromises, someone. he simply does not believe that marriage can be good, while there are those who enjoy needing someone, saving someone, changing him and turning him into a better person. Whatever the reason, world-class research shows that one in three couples is in this kind of relationship, that is, in an emotional relationship that is not what they wanted, that is suffocating and not satisfying. Why do we do it to ourselves and how do we even know if it is 'right'? What influences what kind of emotional connection we want, or what model of marriage or relationship we would consider 'normal'? Is the upbringing, experiences of the primary family a general attitude about love? Is it true that we are always looking for a father or a mother in a partner?
Despite numerous theories about the impact of cultural and social values and patterns that shape our romantic notions of what true love should look like, the family we grew up in and formed a personality plays a crucial role, whether it is their relationship to children, through educational procedures and styles. The undeniable and fundamental need for people to bond emotionally and thus build a meaningful existence that takes shape as we grow up sometimes causes us to remain in inappropriate and troubled relationships. People in these types of love relationships often see their position as hopeless, do not see a solution to their situation and suffer emotional pain and suffering because it is better to 'have nothing than nothing'. It can happen that such essentially negative experiences have positive effects, that is, in the end the person realizes that this is not what they wanted, to know themselves and their needs. In order to love someone and be happy in this relationship, we must first of all be satisfied with ourselves and our lives, because others cannot bring us happiness. A partnership is a complex relationship between two people, and waiting for the other to change or become different is usually in vain. It is not a solution to endure and persist in such a relationship. Taking responsibility for the quality of the relationship we are in by understanding our own and our partner's ideas and beliefs, as well as correcting them through conversation, is the best way to move the relationship in a positive direction, to change and become what we want. If the partners do not have the capacity to change, and adaptation is practically impossible, it is natural for the relationship to end and the partners move on without each other.
How much does your parents' marriage affect how we experience emotional bonds and love? - The statement that you are out of luck in love is a misconception that can have serious consequences on a love life. For a person to have a successful love affair, it is not crucial happiness or a favorable set of fateful circumstances, but the skill of healthy behavior in emotional relationships. Like any skill, this one is taught. The presence of positive role models during adulthood helps us greatly. Model-based learning, ie. Adopting behaviors while growing up with emotionally close and significant persons is the basis of "emotional literacy" and even a willingness to establish a mature love relationship. Therefore, what kind of person we will become and what kind of emotional relationships we will strive for, despite being dependent on many other factors, also depends heavily on relationships in the primary family. The family we grow up in forms models of emotional relationships that we consider 'normal', desirable and that we consciously or unconsciously aspire to. Also, the way parents interacted with us in childhood, as well as the way they interacted with each other, affects the type of relationships we tend to as mature people. Messages received from developmentally significant parental (guardian) figures are embedded in the way we experience our own personality, and this is the basis for building relationships with others, including love. If we are repeating the model we have taken from our primary family, even if it does not suit us, why do we remain in a relationship that we are not happy with and when we are aware that we are not nice? - There are numerous ways and ways in which the influence of the primary family is realized. For example, the idealization of parental marriage can form an image of an elusive role model that conflicts with the real traits of potential partners and as such constitutes an obstacle for a person to establish successful relationships. The opposite process happens, that is, sometimes we create relationships that will be completely different from those of our parents. Such attitudes are most often the result of dysfunctional family relationships in which the person grew up. If a person recognizes this model and its bad influence, then it means that he or she is mature to establish a quality love relationship.
Also, through family stories and significant family events, one can notice the similarities between present situations or problems and some that the family has encountered in the past. We need to be aware of the negative family patterns that have been repeated for generations, so that we can avoid or correct them in our loving relationships. Also, we accept some things, we reconcile with them, not thinking how bad they are. For example, it is a fact that for a large number of women who have grown up exposed to parental violence, physical abuse in the relationship seems perfectly normal. The power of influence in the family we grow up in is very obvious. Difficult experiences stemming from growing up where parental marriage was fraught with problems can be a powerful barrier to a mature and fulfilling love relationship and marriage. Fear, distrust and suffering of a child traumatized in childhood by parental strife and / or violence, which did not have a natural relationship with their parents, in addition to significant psychological and health problems, most often lead to being insecure and unable to build a loving relationship. The repetition of a dysfunctional model from the primary family is the result of emotional blockage, and as long as it exists, the person will be inclined to repeat inappropriate behaviors in the relationship or make 'wrong choices'. Dysfunctional family relationships contribute to increased anxiety, depression, anger and aggression, and the person is in a 'vicious circle'. Underlying emotional suffering is the irrational beliefs about love relationships that are formed during growing up and development in unhealthy families. Anxiety, anger, depression disable a person and she simply does not have the emotional capacity to overcome problems and remain trapped without finding a way out of the wrong relationship.
What are the other reasons why I remain in bad relationships? - The repetition of 'mistakes' and wrong choices, as well as staying in a fundamentally inappropriate relationship, can also stem from misconceptions that come to us through cultural and social influences through mass media. The idea that there is only one true love, or often conflicting but influential messages that we are too young or too old for love on a personal psychological plane, can create real confusion and foster an anxious philosophy that is an obstacle to exploration and life change. Nor are romantic representations of love suffering meaningless, which strongly suggest that true love is unthinkable without great pain. Also at the root of many obsessive love relationships is the idea of a healing, therapeutic power of love that binds us to partners who need help and help save. How to get out of this relationship? - A love affair that a person perceives as inappropriate for any reason must be re-examined and analyzed. As people are often unable to do it on their own, psychotherapy can be the right choice. It can significantly help a person more fully and maturely perceive an emotional connection, understand what is not good and what is inappropriate for him, discover aspects of relationships that can be constructively influenced, increase empathy or at least a partner's level of understanding, and ultimately make a decision which will significantly affect satisfaction with oneself and one's life. 4. Type of love relationship Can fear of new love or disappointment be the reason for staying in inadequate relationships? - The psychological theory of emotional attachment, which is formed in early childhood and retains basic characteristics throughout life, suggests that based on early experiences, people tend to form four types of emotional emotional partnerships. The essence of these relationships rests on two internal models: the model of oneself and the models of others, which can be positive or negative.
The confident type has high self-esteem, a positive attitude towards others and tends to have a great degree of intimacy in relationships. Experiencing yourself and others is very positive. The preoccupied type has a low sense of personal worth, and highly values others, fears loneliness and has a great need for closeness. A preoccupation with a relationship provides him with a sense of personal worth. The timid guy has low confidence, lack of confidence in himself and his partner. The fear of rejection and hurt is very pronounced and avoids intimacy. Valuing yourself and others is fundamentally negative. The avoidant type strives for emotional attachment characterized by high self-esteem and low self-esteem. Relying on ourselves and our own strengths is motivated by negative expectations from others. Recognizing these 'types' is the basis for establishing meaningful love and partnerships and can help us overcome weaknesses and indicate that we have the strength to make the emotional relationship we want.
Author: Elie McDowell, Psychiatrist & Psychotherapist,
bad relationship # disappointment # high expectations # marriage model # relationship model # unrealistic expectations
There is no feeling more written, said, sung, and yet it is the greatest secret, elusive and always different. Love drives the world and sometimes it seems as if everything that is happening has something to do with it. Is it more important to us to be loved or to love and is love always among our life priorities? Experts say that the relationship we have towards love is built mainly on the basis of the unrepeatable experience of first love and that its outcome is quite determining. It can never be repeated again because biochemical processes occur in the brain that, regardless of the intensity of later feelings and the power of love that we feel in adulthood, cannot happen again. This unique experience, combined with our character, upbringing, relationships that we have with our loved ones as children, concludes an 'image' that will remain in our psyche as a model of 'true' love.
First love usually occurs during adolescence and occurs in parallel with identity formation. Development is, of course, not yet complete, and emotion control is still being established neurophysiologically. Psychologically, as a teenager, a young person is in search of themselves and their place in the complex world of adults. When that special and significant one comes along, when we love for the first time, reality takes on a completely different dimension. Adolescent self-absorption gives way to the first love affair ... In fact, the path to a mature and formed identity would be unthinkable without falling in love. It is a state in which we are preoccupied with our own psychological projections and idealizations. Gradually, we emerge from such a state, becoming ready to establish a mature relationship with another person who is special to us. And without the complex biochemical changes in the brain that accompany first love, it is special precisely because it is the first. In many cultures, even in those in which there is an institution of arranged marriages, first love is extremely psychologically significant and remains permanently recorded in memory. The first love experiences are different and varied. Sometimes there is a connection, sometimes everything remains on the platonic level. Someone experiences the end of their first love by a painful parting, someone simply grows up, and sometimes it becomes a lasting bond between two people. Depending on how that first love story unfolded and ended, it also depends on its impact on all later love, first of all, through the beliefs and experiences we brought from it.
Does this mean that first love can also be real? - In love, and especially the first one, is accompanied by a multitude of emotions, which are not always just pleasant euphoria, elation and passion. We also experience intense fear, anxiety, anxiety, insecurity, obsessive thoughts, so first love can sometimes be a pretty traumatic experience. Because of the mixed emotions and conditions we are experiencing, there is the phrase 'crazy from love' '. Although this condition is short-lived, it is remembered as a very significant life experience. However, most often, the first love and disappears when the infatuation passes. In cases where the feelings become more serious and the first one turns into true love, it is, in fact, a process of maturation for the two and a joint adaptation to reality. We accept the person we love with all its virtues, flaws, ready to commit to a loving relationship with the intention of lasting it. Although this does not happen often, first love can become real, which depends on many factors and circumstances. What would be the closest definition of "true love"? Throughout human history, as well as its unique existence, humans have been trying to answer the question of what is love? And after all possible attempts to put it into words, we can say no more than that love is a complex phenomenon that eludes all attempts to define it clearly. The nature of love is elusive, above all due to the fact that it is impossible to recount it, sing it in poetry, define it in science, without conveying its essence to someone who has not experienced it. The situation is compounded by the fact that there are multiple types of love and that love is quite different in different types of relationships. Yet people will never stop searching for the answer to that eternal question. Common to many definitions of love is a feeling of strong affection and attraction, where there is interest, support and control in the relationship with another person.
Psychologist Robert Sternbeg, a researcher of intelligence and love, defines 'true' or 'perfect' love in partnerships as a combination of three components: closeness, passion and loyalty. Proximity or intimacy includes respect, open communication, sharing and support in difficult situations. Passion implies instincts that lead to emotional arousal and sexual attraction, while loyalty is a commitment to a loving relationship, that is, a decision to love someone and a desire to maintain love. Without these three aspects, true partner love is not possible, and the presence of only one or two components describes other types of love (liking, 'blind' love, romantic love, friendly love and 'apparent' love).
Does the ability to experience true love affect what kind of value system we nurture, or how important it is to us in life, is it a priority? - Love is a sublime feeling that makes us better people. Although it rests on the basic need of human beings, the need to belong, love cannot exist without the autonomy of personality. Only a psychologically independent, mature person is able to truly love, build relationships with others. The one who is able to give love, but also to recognize that someone else who is willing to build a reciprocal relationship with her. The experiences we carry from our primary family, past love experiences, but also the culture we live in, can impose different expectations and often suggest unrealistic, idealized representations of love. These models greatly influence the shaping of our true love and emotional relationships. As far as our expectations are concerned, psychological studies show that we are generally inclined to pay more attention to disappointments. We take love for granted, so when what we expect doesn't happen, we feel really bad, we are disappointed and desperate. If you are not as happy in love as you expected you to be, it is very likely that you just expected too much.
One study found that people suffer the most from unrealized love, long imagining what life would look like to realize that love ... - The lost life and love alternatives are given psychological significance by being unfulfilled. We wonder what it would be like if we had chosen differently. When it comes to the irrational idea that life could have been different than it was, psychic suffering and pain are inevitable. We tend to beautify and idealize a past love story, long ago, when we were younger and more emotionally enduring. We like to fantasize about how 'this was it' and how wrong we were that we didn't go that route. When we compare such memories with the often frustrating everyday life, the present is inevitably at a loss. Misconceptions about love can also play a key role, that is, our notion that 'true' love excludes occasional unpleasant feelings or indifference.
Do we have to be open to love for it to happen to us, and what depends on whether we can recognize and accept it? - Openness to love primarily involves an open and honest attitude towards ourselves and our needs. In order to achieve this, it is necessary for us to know ourselves, understand what we want and what we need. What does that really mean? If we are able to recognize our own feelings, control them and use them to move us in the right direction, we become able to empathize, realistically view ourselves and others. Love works so well, it is in many ways the meaning of our lives. Problems start when we are convinced that this is the only meaning. The desperate need for love is often a great brake because it is based on the fear of loneliness. Such emotions can sometimes completely block our ability to experience 'true' love and truly let go of it. Scientists claim that there is no soul mate, that is, with many people we can build a bond. Does it follow that love is a skill that, like any other, can be learned? - Ask yourself, is it more important for you to love or be loved? We are often convinced that it is easy to love, that it is easy to love, but that the main problem is to find the right person to reciprocate our feelings. That's why we try to become 'worthy of love' in different ways. Some achieve it through popularity, some through expressive sex appeal, social power, status… Sometimes these are just attempts to increase the chances of love happening to us. However, From argued that love is a skill, a skill linked by our ability to love. Unconditionally accepting ourselves, with all our faults and virtues, meeting our own expectations, goals and needs, means that we are ready to make love happen. In fact, love for the other person means that we put effort and care into one another, get to know a partner, and meet his or her needs. What are our 'capacities for love', or how many times can we love 'true' love. Is there any truth in romantic ideas that one loves only once?
- Freud believed that a mentally healthy person was characterized by two key characteristics, the ability to work and the ability to love. 'Capacity for love' is acquired as we grow up and mature in relationships with close, significant people. But this is not the end. We have been changing for years, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As a person changes throughout his life, so does the capacity for love to continue to develop during new life stages. Love is a unique experience, but as with life, we cannot get any guarantees from love. A mature, autonomous personality is one who has developed her 'capacities for love'. This means that love is her desire, but not a condition of life and survival. Staying in the belief that there is only one true love for us and that we have essentially no choice, it is only about our unwillingness to accept the changes that are inevitable in life. Can true love find us at any age, or do we become less and less ready to adapt to someone over the years? - Love is not reserved only for youth and can always happen. In human nature, there is a need for emotional attachment that does not lose significance as the years go by. Allegedly choosing a life without love and believing that love involves the sacrifice of freedom and our own needs is just one of the rationalizations that some of us tend to construct. It is more likely that different aspects of love are relatively more significant at different stages of life. This means that in certain years, more passion, sometimes intimacy, sometimes commitment is more significant to us. It depends on the context of other significant life tasks and roles in our lives. And we choose and look at love depending on what is important to us and what we want.
Author: Mia Valas, psychologist and psychotherapist
love # trinity # closeness # loyalty # passion # capacity for love # true love
"Loneliness doesn't have to be a negative state and people can learn to enjoy it," says psychologist Irena Werner. These days, we eagerly look forward to spending our free days with family and friends for a hearty meal, at home or on the road, in a comfortable company. However, more and more people perceive holidays as a real nightmare as they face their greatest fears - they will be completely alone, sad because they are forgotten by others, older by another year. - Being alone, without friends, or in advanced age does not mean that you should automatically be depressed and sad. The thing is, actually our beliefs are directly responsible for our unhealthy feelings and behaviors. Our mood depends on our thoughts. How we feel is not influenced by specific events, but by our beliefs about those events or the interpretations of those events.
She points out that there are people who think that loneliness is something terrible and that they should not be alone at any cost. - People have unrealistic beliefs such as: "I must not be alone during the holidays because it tells how much of a loser I am." she adds that instead of spending time grieving with herself, she can simply say to herself, "I'll be alone during the holidays, which I am lucky enough to finally be able to read any book." Also, Irena advises engaging in some hobby or any activity that makes us feel comfortable. - It would be best if a person plans daily activities as this will allow them to feel satisfied and comfortable. When I say that I plan, I mean to make a schedule, what and when to do it - going for a walk, watching a movie, listening to music, visiting people who feel good because, “a daily routine is what differentiates champions from those who never do anything try '' - says Irena, adding: - If we are convinced that we are not good enough or worthless, how can we strive for what is important to us at all. Likewise, the choices we make when we are depressed will keep us in a state of resentment.
Author: IRENA WERNER, Psychologist & Psychotherapist
New Year # holidays # loneliness # loneliness # depression